The Dark Knight Rides Again

Batman has come back to visit for a while. It's really nice. It makes a very welcome change from the WWE wrestling folk who have been here since Christmas. I am not so much a fan of grown men in their underwear fake beating the crap out of each other. They make me yearn for 

Dora the Explorer and Captain Feathersword. But I will settle for Batman.

This is a conversation from yesterday. 

William: Great news Mommy! I've got almost everything I need to become the REAL Batman!

Me: You do? What are you missing then? Special powers?

William: No. You don't need special powers. You just need bat stuff like a few batarangs, which you can buy from Target. You also need a cave with an old fashioned telephone. Those old phones have buttons that open secret doors in the cave. Do you know where I can get a cave?

Me: Um...

William: Oh! I need a sidekick. And a butler. Wait... do we already have a butler?

Me: If we do, I'm going to fire his ass. (No, I did not actually say this. I did laugh though. Quite a lot. Yes, we have a butler. Looks a lot like me).

William: I also still need some bad guys. I'll get them in New York.

Me: You're going to New York? Great! What good works will you be doing when you're the Real Batman?

William: I'm going to use the batarangs to cut open people's bags and steal candy.

Me: ???!!!

William: And Mommy, not many people can know I am really Batman, ok? Just you and Daddy and Grandma. Definitely not Uncle Ted. I think he would be a teller*. I don't like tellers.


(*Teller, as in someone who couldn't keep a secret. Not a bank teller. Poor Ted, left out in the cold again.) 

Evil bag slashing, candy stealing Batman. Wearing his Green Lantern pjs
and wielding a very small but nonetheless lethal batarang. 

Evil bag slashing, candy stealing Batman, fast asleep, still wearing mask and holding on tight to batarang. 

The original stinking cute Batman, aged 4.